Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
