I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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