tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
