she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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