I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found puke in my bra..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
