I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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