im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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