i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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