My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
