I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
