That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
