I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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