i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
