How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
