You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
