She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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