A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
