We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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