Will you blow on my dice?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
