gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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