We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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