i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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