Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
