she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
