Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize