It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
