What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
