I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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