Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
