just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
