Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
