My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
