Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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