He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
