chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize