the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
