dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize