Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
