Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Drake has all the answers
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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