we're blogging at a bar
Your face is a jimmy john
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
