I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
