The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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