i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
