I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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