My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
