Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
