Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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