Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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