I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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