just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My vagina is officially offended.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
