The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
