So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
