Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
