Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
