i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
