and she was petting her beer can
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
