OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
