operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
