You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
