I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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