She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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