she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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