Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
