So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
