it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
