I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
