just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
