Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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