We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
