the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
