Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
