i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
false alarm. still invincible.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dicks are not precious.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
