I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i think my cat just said my name.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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