my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize