omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
