Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
