Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
