i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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