also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
