If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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