never play flip cup with pint glasses
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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