Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
