what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
