he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
