What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
