You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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