All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
