I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
