And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
