I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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