Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He felt like a one man threesome
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
