I must be too annoying 4 u.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize