She's JV to your varsity
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
