I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
