i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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