like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
