just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
