We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
