4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
