If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
