I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
