remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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