Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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