True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
