I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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