i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
